Interesting topic. I think (just my opinion) ideally we would not judge others (not very realistic) or if we do it would be based on their true character, their ethics, their intentions, their heart, their actions.
But in reality, appearance in dress, grooming, posture, facial expression, overall body language all are factors in the judgement commonly referred to as “first impression”: that time before we know someone well enough to form opinions based on more substantive qualities. And there are many we (or at least I) interact with whose paths don’t intersect with ours frequently enough to ever develop that more substantive information.
Point being, whether you consciously acknowledge it or not, you do send messages about yourself to others by how you dress and that includes your hair (if you aren’t bald and have that option).
If you don’t believe it, consciously pay honest attention to your own thoughts for a while. You’re walking in a downtown city type area on a warm day and pass a somewhat out of shape guy in a nice suit, short close cropped hair, walking the other way looking kind of distracted and hurried. A few minutes later you pass a fit guy with beanie, ear lobe expanders, a ring in his lip, wearing a coat that could hide a AK-47 or two, and he’s not trying to hide he’s paying attention to you. You don’t know either one of them at all. Externally maybe your reaction is the same. You going to pretend internally your reaction is the same? A little more on alert with face jewelry man? Maybe not judging the second guy but maybe you just happen to think you might have left your reading glasses in your truck so you need to check your shirt pocket which just happens to get your hand a little closer to that pistol under your own jacket?
For a ponytail? Probably depends on where you are. I’m not a world traveler, but just in this little state I live in, a ponytail on a man gets a much different reaction in Hot Springs, NC than Fayetteville, NC.
I know my ex-military and law enforcement friends, for the most part, would be a bit put off if I showed up somewhere with a ponytail. My biker friends and retired co-worker buddies wouldn’t care one bit. A man bun would result in either ostracization or intervention by all.
It’s not so much whether wearing a ponytail, or man bun, or whatever else, is good or bad. It’s more that you have to consider the venue and be realistic about the message, not so much that you’re sending, but what message is being received. Is it a message you want to send? Do you give one tiny shit? If you’re good with the message or you don’t care, have at it. If you’re not, don’t. But don’t fool yourself into thinking your appearance isn’t sending any message at all.
I recently got into a discussion of this with a friend whose high school daughter was pushing to wear what he considered inappropriately provocative clothing, in his view because she enjoyed the attention her appearance garnered. He and his wife weren’t on the same page and his daughter was not in the same songbook. They were all three in what amounted to a pissing match that was just causing strife but no real solution. He called me a couple weeks later after he and I spoke about this message sent/message received thing. Said they had a discussion about what message she was sending and why as well as what message was being received. It took all of them a few days and more than one conversation to define. He, with a man’s perspective, and his wife, with a woman’s perspective, were successful in educating her on the message being received, which wasn’t exactly what she really wanted, what was an appropriate message, and how to accurately relay it to the recipients.
You’re not a cute teenage girl. Do what makes you happy and if you do it and don’t like it, cut it off. Just don’t pretend others will pretend it ain’t there.
Oh, and for something like a security clearance or fitness for a job or any scenario requiring real judgement of character, I would certainly hope there would be a much more thorough vetting process than a review of hairstyle. Although outward appearance so extreme as to indicate mental illness is pretty hard to overlook, even though
@motionclone has pointed out an exception.
Edit: And yeah, wife is watching something insufferable on TV tonight, I’m obligated to attend, thus this extremely lengthy post. My apologies…