Daily Chuckle

[i7win7]

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."

 

[i7win7]

Two blondes walking down the street. One reaches into her pocketbook for a make up compact and looks into the mirror.
"This picture looks like someone I know" she says. The other one has a look and says, "Of course dummy, it's ME...."

 

[i7win7]

Getting the queen of daytime TV to lose weight is a complicated Oprah ration.

 

[bearbait]

 

[i7win7]

Little Johnny was caught swearing by his teacher.

"Johnny," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear such talk, anyway?"

"My daddy said it," he responded.

"Well, that doesn't matter," explained the teacher. "You don't even know what it means."

"I do, too!" Little Johnny retorted. "It means the car won't start."

 

[i7win7]

He was 80, she was 20. It was the stir of the town when an 80 year old man married a 20 year old girl. After a year of marriage she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying, "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"
He answered, "You've got to keep that old motor running."

The following year the young bride gave birth again. The same nurse said, "You are truly amazing. How do you do it?"
Again he said, "You've got to keep the old motor running."

The same thing happened the next year. The nurse then said, "Well, well, well, you certainly are quite a man!"
He responded, "You've got to keep that old motor running."
The nurse then said: "Well, you better change the oil. This one's black."

 

[i7win7]

 

[Magicman]

My wife ran after the garbage truck yelling; "Am I too late". The garbage man said, "No hop in".

 

[Fordtech86]

 

[Outnumbered]

That's a good one.

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]

Feelin' lucky enough to buy a lotto ticket?

 

[Magicman]

 

[Magicman]

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Remember that Marriage is the number one cause of Divorce.
I married Miss Right, I just didn't know that her first name was Always.

 

[Magicman]

An old timer back in rural Kentucky had a famous mammoth jack donkey that was well known for siring the best mules for miles around so he was able to command a goodly sum for old Jack's services. A newcomer to the community wanted to raise a good mule so he called the old timer who drove over in his old beat up pick-em up truck with Jack in the trailer behind. The newcomer came out leading a beautiful Morgan mare who kept swishing her tail and making eyes at old Jack. The old timer was standing behind the trailer with Jack directly behind and overlooking him as he discussed his fees and such. He told the new guy Jack's fee as $50 up front but the new guy said he only had $25 at the time. The old man told him when he got the rest to call him back then he felt something wet and sticky and looked up to find old Jack crying. Old Jack told him "Boss, have you ever seen a more honest face? Can't you give him credit just this once?"

 

[Fordtech86]

 

[i7win7]

All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him. Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong.
The head nurse replied, "We don't know what to do with this baby."
So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "You should put him into a mental institution."
"Why?" asked the head nurse.
"Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts."

 

[i7win7]

Bet they bought it at Big Lots

 

[i7win7]

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, aww crap