Daily Chuckle

[Daren Todd]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Magicman]

We received an email asking us to join in 3 days of sobriety. It seems that there has been a significant increase in alcohol consumption during this pandemic.

The email requested that we get as many people as possible to join us in a pledge to not drink any alcohol in the three days - Feb 29 - 30 & 31

We will comply. I hope many of you will join us.

 

[Orangeglow]

Jim Start lived all his life in the Florida Keys; he is on his
deathbed and knows the end is near.

His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons are with him…

He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to

record his last wishes, and when all is ready, he begins to speak.

“My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses.”

“My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments between mile markers 100
and Tavernier.”

“My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon
Government Center.”

“Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the
bayside of Backwater Sound.”

The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his
extensive holdings; and as Jim slips away, the nurse says, “Mrs.
Start, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have
accumulated all this property.”

The wife replies, “The a$$hole had a paper route.”
Wives can be so cruel. LOL

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Magicman]

This is no joke:

It is reality !!!

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[armylifer]

View attachment 55470

That particular pepper grinder works in a unique way. To get the pepper out you have to first unscrew the bottom (small end) cap and expose a little handle. Pull that handle and wait for a few seconds. You should get a real bang out of that pepper.

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Magicman]

Truly a Texan:

A very gentle Texas lady was driving across a high bridge in Texas one day.

As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin' to jump.

She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, "Please don't jump, think of your dear mother and father."

He replied, "Mom and Dad are both dead; I'm going to jump."

She said, "Well, think of your wife and children."

He replied, "I'm not married and I don't have any kids."

She said, "Well, think of the Alamo."

He replied, ''What's the Alamo?''

She replied, ''Well bless your heart, just go ahead and jump, Yankee."

 

[bronc71]

A young man with his pants hanging half off his rear end two gold front teeth & a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched up to the counter and said, " You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the System, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2014 Mercedes-Benz CL & he will supply all of your clothes."

"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward but you will also have to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her 20's and has a strong sex drive.

The guy, wide-eyed, said, "You're kidding me??

The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . you started it."

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Magicman]

You are a bad man.

 

[Magicman]

You know it's cold when:

You chip a tooth eating soup
You get ice cream when you milk the cows
You pull everything out of your deepfreeze and huddle inside it to stay warm
Politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets
You don't clean your house -- you defrost it
You need a heater on your pickup's engine-block heater
Dogs are getting stuck to fire hydrants
You turn on the shower and you get hailed on
Mom uses a saw to serve milk (another slice, please!)
You have to use a jackhammer to eat jello
You no longer consider global warming a bad thing
You're afraid hell is actually freezing over