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Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Why Rednecks can't be EMT's.
Bubba and Cooter wuz out in the woods, huntin. Suddenly, Bubba falls to the ground. Cooter checks on Bubba, and he ain't breathing.
Cooter calls 911 on his cell phone. When the operator answers, Cooter says, I think Bubba;s dead. He ain't breathin.
The operator says, first thing we have to do is make sure he's dead. There was a brief silence on Cooter's end, and then, a shot was heard over the phone.
Cooter comes back on the phone and says-----------------
OK, now what??
Bubba and Cooter wuz out in the woods, huntin. Suddenly, Bubba falls to the ground. Cooter checks on Bubba, and he ain't breathing.
Cooter calls 911 on his cell phone. When the operator answers, Cooter says, I think Bubba;s dead. He ain't breathin.
The operator says, first thing we have to do is make sure he's dead. There was a brief silence on Cooter's end, and then, a shot was heard over the phone.
Cooter comes back on the phone and says-----------------
OK, now what??
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
A vacuum cleaner salesman went to this little ole lady's house and started his sales pitch.
Lady I am so sure of how good my vacuum cleaner is that I will sprinkle this big bag of horse manure all over your carpet and what the vacuum cleaner doesn't pick I will personally get down and eat. He then dumps the horse manure all over the carpet grabs his vacuum cleaner and starts to plug it in the wall when the little lady says in a quiet type voice " young man, I hope you are hungry, because they disconnected my electric yesterday"
Lady I am so sure of how good my vacuum cleaner is that I will sprinkle this big bag of horse manure all over your carpet and what the vacuum cleaner doesn't pick I will personally get down and eat. He then dumps the horse manure all over the carpet grabs his vacuum cleaner and starts to plug it in the wall when the little lady says in a quiet type voice " young man, I hope you are hungry, because they disconnected my electric yesterday"
A Jehovah's Witness knocks on the door of a house. The door is opened by a twelve-year old boy holding a cocktail, smoking a cigar, and wearing his dad's favorite hat. The startled Jehovah's Witness says, "Um, is your mom or dad home? The boy replies, What the **** do you think, mister?"
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Lil Foot
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
1979 B7100DT Gear, Nissan Hanix N150-2 Excavator
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
This new scam is being pulled mainly on older men.
What happens is that when you stop for a redlight, a young nude woman comes up and pretends to be washing your windshield.
While she is doing this another person opens your back door and steals anything in the car.
They are very good at this.
They got me seven times Friday and five times Saturday.
I wasn't able to find them on Sunday.
What happens is that when you stop for a redlight, a young nude woman comes up and pretends to be washing your windshield.
While she is doing this another person opens your back door and steals anything in the car.
They are very good at this.
They got me seven times Friday and five times Saturday.
I wasn't able to find them on Sunday.
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
This is a true fairy tale:
Once upon a time a guy asked a girl, "will you marry me?" She said "no"...... And the guy lived happily ever after. The end
Once upon a time a guy asked a girl, "will you marry me?" She said "no"...... And the guy lived happily ever after. The end
armylifer
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
BX1860, FEL, RCK54P MMM, BB1548 Box Scraper, Quick Hitch, Piranha Bar, BX6315
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
A man comes home from work, sits down in his favorite chair, turns on the tv, and says to his wife, quick bring me a beer before it starts. She looked a little puzzled but brings him a beer.
When he finishes that one he says, quick bring me another one it's going to start. This time she looks angry but brings him another one.
When it was gone, he says, quick another beer before it starts.
That's it! She blows her top ! You b#$&*d! You waltz in here, flop your fat butt down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?
The man sighed, "It's Started" !!
When he finishes that one he says, quick bring me another one it's going to start. This time she looks angry but brings him another one.
When it was gone, he says, quick another beer before it starts.
That's it! She blows her top ! You b#$&*d! You waltz in here, flop your fat butt down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?
The man sighed, "It's Started" !!
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
Magicman
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all away, but I must know, did he have a different father?"
The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment, and then confesses. "Yes. Yes he did."
The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks, "Who? Who was he? Who was the father?"
Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says, "You."
The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment, and then confesses. "Yes. Yes he did."
The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks, "Who? Who was he? Who was the father?"
Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says, "You."
Hearing Problem...:
Larry goes to the revival and listens to the preacher.
After awhile the preacher asks anyone with needs to be prayed over to come forward to the front at the altar.
Larry gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks:
"Larry, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Larry replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."
The preacher puts one finger in Larry's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Larry's head and prays and prays and prays.
After a few minutes, the preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks Larry:
"Larry, how is your hearing now?"
Larry says, "I don't know, Reverend, it's not until next Wednesday."
Larry goes to the revival and listens to the preacher.
After awhile the preacher asks anyone with needs to be prayed over to come forward to the front at the altar.
Larry gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks:
"Larry, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Larry replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."
The preacher puts one finger in Larry's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Larry's head and prays and prays and prays.
After a few minutes, the preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks Larry:
"Larry, how is your hearing now?"
Larry says, "I don't know, Reverend, it's not until next Wednesday."
Tax Notification
We would like to notify that you are eligible to claim a tax refund of amount $680.25 CAD.
According to calculation of your last year's fiscal activities, we have concluded that your are eligible to claim a tax refund of amount $680.25 CAD.
You can submit an application to claim your refund by clicking on "Claim Now" below.
Claim Now
You are just a few steps away from claiming your tax refund and get it deposited in your account. You can also get this settled in your next tax return just by ignoring this
Thank you,
Canadian Revenue Agency[/TD]
[TD]Please do not reply to this .[/TD]
We would like to notify that you are eligible to claim a tax refund of amount $680.25 CAD.
According to calculation of your last year's fiscal activities, we have concluded that your are eligible to claim a tax refund of amount $680.25 CAD.
You can submit an application to claim your refund by clicking on "Claim Now" below.
Claim Now
You are just a few steps away from claiming your tax refund and get it deposited in your account. You can also get this settled in your next tax return just by ignoring this
Thank you,
Canadian Revenue Agency[/TD]
[TD]Please do not reply to this .[/TD]
