"No matter where you go, there you are."
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Jack Handy quotes... (sorry in advance)
"Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine which, I guess, is why several of us died of tuberculosis."
"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."
"Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes."
"If you think weakness can be turned into strength, I hate to tell you, that is another weakness."
"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think its cute to tell him God is crying. And, if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing is to tell him, "Its because of something you did."
"Most people don't realize large pieces of coral, painted brown and attached with to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer."
"When you die, if you get a choice between regular heaven and pie heaven, chose the pie heaven. It might be a trick but if its not, Mmmmm boy."