Daily Chuckle

[Orangeglow]

I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus.

Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one.
It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1955.

Symptoms:

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
Done that!

2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail!
That too!

3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.
Yep!

4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
Aha!

5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
Well darn!

6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished.
Oh, no not again!

7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND."
And I just hate that!

8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE."
Oh No!


IT'S CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS."

 

[North Idaho Wolfman]

[FONT=&quot]WINDOWS:[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Hellloooo, just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves![/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.[/FONT]

 

[olthumpa]

LMAO!
Wish I had thought of that.

 

[Daren Todd]

LMAO!
Wish I had thought of that.

Me too they can add up fast!!!


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[skeets]

Subject: 65 Year Old Woman - Priceless


Sixty-five year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God
She asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and
have a Face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone come in and change her hair color and
brighten her Teeth!
Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as
Well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.
While crossing The street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had

Another 33 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the Ambulance?"

(You'll love this,...scroll down!)


God replied: "Shit! I didn't recognize you!!!!!"

 

[85Hokie]

Skeets, now that's good!

I saw melanie griffith the other night on the TV and said the same thing!!! funny what a small sharp knife can do!

 

[Daren Todd]

So, I'm at Walmart yesterday picking some things up. One item happened to be a new bathroom scale. Why is it, when you happen to mention the old one "lies", everyone in line busts out laughing??!!!

 

[bcbull378]

Do you realize that if Bernie Sanders wins, it will be the first time that a Jewish family moved
into public housing that was left vacant by a black family?

Now that's funny I don't care who you are. ROTFLMAO

 

[sawmill]

...............

 

[85Hokie]

Now wouldnt that be funnier - if you changed the last line to "trump's mouth!" ---- o - wait a minute - I think someone did that already........

 

[CaveCreekRay]

A guy walks into a bar in West Virginia and orders a white wine.
All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up from their beer and whiskey, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north.

The bartender says, "You ain't from around here, are ya?"

The guy says, "No, I'm from Canada."

The bartender says, "What do you do in Canada ?"

The guy says, "I'm a taxidermist." The bartender says, "A taxidermist? What in the hell is a taxidermist?

Do you drive a taxi?"

"No," says the Canadian "I don't drive a taxi, I mount animals."

The bartender grins and hollers, "It's okay boys. He's one of us."

 

[Diydave]

Redneck Lent

Each Friday night, Bubba grill a venison steak.

Bubba's neighbors were Catholic. since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic.

After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass...and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, 'You
were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic.

Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the
neighborhood.

The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and
prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted:

You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish.

 

[Daren Todd]

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[Daren Todd]

Yummy!!!!!




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[skeets]

Hey you gota itialin Nana?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jzpiCQEGmE

 

[sawmill]

..............

 

[skeets]

An old priest lay dying in a hospital.

He had served the people of the nation’s capital for many years.

He motioned for the nurse to come near.

“Yes Father?” said the nurse.

“I would really like to see Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama before I die”

whispered the priest.“I will see what I can do” said the nurse.

The nurse sent the request to Washington and waited for a response.

Soon an answer came back;

Both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama would be delighted to visit the priest.

As they were driven to the hospital Hillary commented to Obama

“I don’t know why this old priest wants to see us, but it certainly will help our images and

may even help my election prospects”.
Obama agreed it was a good thing.

When they arrived at the priest’s room the priest took

Hillary’s hand in his right hand and Obama’s hand in his left hand.

There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest’s face.

Finally Obama spoke “Father, of all people you could have chosen,

why did you chose us to be with you at this time when your end is so near?”

The old priest slowly replied “I have always tried to pattern my life and

behavior after our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.”

“Amen” said Hillary.

“Amen” said Obama.

The old priest continued

“Jesus Christ, our Savior, died between two lying, thieving bastards

and I would like to do the same”

 

[Diydave]

Good'un, Skeets!

 

[85Hokie]

Damnit Skeets......you are killing me - thank goodness it is tooooo late for coffee!

 

[Daren Todd]

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