Daily Chuckle

[skeets]

OMG that is way tooooo funny,,, now I have to clean the screen,,, awww damn I needed that this morning,, thanks for sharing

 

[D2Cat]

Can you guys post up a YouTube video of your bedroom attack dogs?

 

[North Idaho Wolfman]

Can you guys post up a YouTube video of your bedroom attack dogs?

That would not be a PG show!

 

[Daren Todd]

That would not be a PG show!

Agreed!!!!!!

 

[Daren Todd]

Throw a couple of wolves into the mix and all heck breaks loose!

And Stevie the blind husky bites at things ...well... blindly.

Speaking of blind dogs. Wife and I dog sat for the neighbors a couple years ago. They had an old chihuahua that was blind and would go into seizures every now and then. Dog was fairly friendly around its owners. Well they didn't want to leave the dogs in our yard for the day so they gave me a key to there house. (I knew the dog was blind, didn't know about the seizures)

So I get home from work, and go over and start collecting dogs. There are four total. Wife comes home just as I grab the first two chihuahua's and heading across the road to our house. So my wife goes with me to get the mutt, and the blind one. I hand my wife the mutt, but can't find the blind one. So I start digging around there laundry room, and find the blind one wrapped in a blanket. I start to unwrap her, and this thing turns into the spawn of Satan spitting, snarling, snapping and the whole works

I ended up having to go home. Get my heavy carhartt jacket, and double up on the welding gloves to keep from losing a finger!!! So here I am, 6'1" tall, 200 pounds, holding this little 6 pound dog at arms lengh, all bundled up in 100 plus degree temperatures to get the dog in our yard

So I get the dog over to our yard, she calms down some, and starts wandering around some. All of a sudden, she goes ridged, with her legs curling up. Falls over to the side and starts fish flopping in the middle of the yard So I'm freaking, wondering if I just somehow killed this dog. Get up some courage, and call the neighbor and tell her what happened.

Neighbor goes "oh, she's just having a seizure!!!! Just lay her on her dog bed, and she will be fine in about 20 minutes!!"

That was the last time I volunteered to dog sit for someone!!!

 

[North Idaho Wolfman]

All of a sudden, she goes ridged, with her legs curling up. Falls over to the side and starts fish flopping in the middle of the yard

I've rescued, baby sat, and worked with thousands of dogs (that's not an over exaggeration either) and every now and then you get that one dog that just throws you for a loop, and It freaks you right out!

 

[olthumpa]

A lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice luxurious hotel..

​

​

When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00. She demanded to know why the charge was so high "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250..00 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!"

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The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate,' and breakfast had been included had she wanted it. ​

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She insisted on speaking to the Manager. ​

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The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use." "But I didn't use them." ''Well, they are here, and you could have." ​

​

He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous.​

"We have the best entertainers from all over the world performing here." ​

"But I didn't go to any of those shows.." She Pleaded.​

​

"Well, we have them, and you could have." was the reply.​

​

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, ​

"But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his ​

standard response. ​

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After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. ​

​

The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. ​

"But Madam, this check is for only $50.00" "That's correct" she replied "I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me." ​

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"But I didn't sleep with you madam!" said the manager​

​

"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."​

​

 

[olthumpa]

 

[Daren Todd]

It's not very often that I can one up my wife for a holiday So with today being valentine's day I actually succeeded for once We talked about what we were gonna do. And went out to eat last night, since today you wont be able to get near a restraunt in town. Since cirque du soliel was coming to town next weekend my wife really wanted tickets. Which she got a few weeks ago. Apparently that's what she figured we were doing for each other for valentine's day. I didn't get the memo

So I go in to work this morning, and come home with flowers, chocolates, and a card Walked into the house and handed her the gift bag.

The "Deer in the headlights" look was priceless

 

[Diydave]

one for valentines day...

*With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, "Have you ever
seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?""No," said her husband.She gave him a
sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 buttons of her blouse, and slowly
reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and
pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar
bill from her and smiled approvingly.She then asked him, "Have you ever
seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?""Uh... no, I haven't," he said, with an
anxious tone in his voice.She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up
her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer, panties... and
pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill. He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar
bill, and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation."Now," she
said, "have you ever seen $40,000 dollars all crumpled up?""No way!" he
said, while obviously becoming even more aroused and excited, to which she
replied:"Go look in the garage".

 

[olthumpa]

. . . "go look in the garage". :d:d

- lmao -

 

[skeets]

Rotflmao !!!!!!:d

 

[Orangeglow]

That would be a real downer.

 

[North Idaho Wolfman]

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.

The priest asks, Is that you, little Joey Pagano?

Yes, Father, it is.

And who was the girl you were with?

I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.

Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now.
Was it Tina Minetti?

I cannot say.

Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?

I'll never tell.

Was it Nina Capelli?

I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.

Was it Cathy Piriano?

My lips are sealed Father.

Well then, was it Rosa DiAngelo?

Please, Father, I cannot tell you.

The priest sighs in frustration.
You're very tight lipped, and I admire that.
But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.
Now you go and behave yourself.

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, What'd you get?

Four month's vacation and five excellent Leads.

 

[skeets]

Do you realize that if Bernie Sanders wins, it will be the first time that a Jewish family moved
into public housing that was left vacant by a black family?

 

[85Hokie]

Awww, Skeets - you had to go there - didnt you!

you are a bad boy! but truthful !

 

[sawmill]

..........

 

[PHPaul]

^^^

Screwthatistan? I Reckon!

 

[Lil Foot]

"You're gonna need a bigger boat."
Like maybe a destroyer… with depth charges.

 

[sawmill]

............