Daily Chuckle

[sawmill]

NEW BULL


Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.

First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."

Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."

Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I'm keeping all 10 of my cows."

Just then an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they've ever seen. At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes strains the steel ramp.

First Bull: "I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend."

Second Bull: "I actually have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."

They look over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting.

First Bull: "Son, don't be foolish -- let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."

Third Bull: "Hell, he can have all my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull."

 

[ShaunBlake]

They occasionally have a gator around here. They had one in lonoke a few years back that was being a nuisance. People were saying it was huge!!!! It was a baby at 4ft Wife said the same thing till I took her to a management area in florida She got to see a 13 footer

Okay, so I'm pretty dense (Irish, ya ken): spell it out for me, are you sayin yer a baby 'gator, or dose the coon cap fit yew?

 

[skeets]

Many years ago coming from the Big Easy after a lot of rain the water was up over the highway a bit ,it was dark and a few adult beverages may have slow down the reaction time, I ran over a 4 footer with the OLs brand new Grand Am, I asked the cop that stopped if I could have it, he said nope I said well back home if we hit a deer we get to keep it, said Boy you aint at home. I just wanted the hide

 

[bh115577]

Well, Kenny the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny.

The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barnyard, first giving the rooster a pep talk.

I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun, the farmer said, with a chuckle.

Kenny seemed to understand, so the farmer pointed toward the hen house and Kenny took off like a shot. WHAM! Kenny nails every hen in the hen house, three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked!

After that, the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Kenny is in there.

Later, the farmer sees Kenny after a flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again, WHAM! He gets all the geese.

By sunset, he sees Kenny out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants.

The farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours.

Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day to find Kenny on his back, stone cold in the middle of the yard. Vultures are circling overhead.

The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, Oh, Kenny, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself.

Kenny opens one eye, nods toward the vultures circling in the sky, and says, Shhh, they're getting closer.

 

[bh115577]

A couple are doing yard work and the wife goes to take a shower. Her husband is looking for a rake and can't find it. He yells up to his wife, 'Where's the rake?'

She can't hear: She replies by shaking her head.

So he points to his eye (I), hits his knee (need), then makes raking motions.

She replies by pointing to her eye, points to her left breast, grabs her ass, then points to her crotch.

He runs up stairs and says, 'What?'

She says, 'I left tit behind the bush.'

 

[Daren Todd]

A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers.

Salesman: "Can I see your dad?"

Johnny: "No, he's in the shower."

Salesman: "What about your mother? Can I see her?"

Johnny: "Nope. She's in the shower, too."

Salesman: "Do you think they'll be out soon?"

Johnny: "Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead."

 

[Diydave]

One day, a teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.

On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are on the beach?"

Needless to say, no one could answer. The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer.

Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend. So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black. The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing.

The teacher says, " Okay, who's the comedian with the black balls?"

Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!"

 

[Daren Todd]

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Daren Todd]

I would have to disagree with Kay jewelers. There are more kisses started with an alcoholic beverage on any given Saturday night


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[skeets]

Never thought about it that way, but you do have a point

 

[Diydave]

Two little boys are going to the hospital the next day for operations.
> Theirs will be first on the schedule.
>
> The older boy leans over and asks,
> "What are you having done?"
>
> The second boy says,
> "I'm getting my tonsils out, and I'm afraid."
>
> The first boy says,
> "You've got nothing to worry about.
> I had that done when I was four.
> They put you to sleep, and when you wake up,
> they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream.
> It's a breeze."
>
> The second boy then asks,
> "What are you going in for?"
>
> The first boy says, "Circumcision."
>
> "Whoa!" the smaller boy replies.
> "Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born.
> Couldn't walk for a year."

 

[ShaunBlake]

...
Couldn't walk for a year."

Can't stop chuckling!

 

[olthumpa]

> "Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born.
> Couldn't walk for a year."

You going to post crap like this you had better be willing to come over and clean up my puter, sprayed it with coffee!

 

[ShaunBlake]

You going to post crap like this you had better be willing to come over and clean up my puter, sprayed it with coffee!

That's a great idea! (Guess that's why I din' think of it. <sigh>) Let's get Coachgeo to make it a policy.

 

[sawmill]

Yesterday was my 74th birthday. I suggested to my wife, we sneak down to the river and go skinny dipping. She didn't say anything. Just gave me one of those
"looks".

 

[Corney]

Gotta try!!!!!

 

[Daren Todd]

https://youtu.be/Xer0RPuMFRA

 

[Diydave]

https://youtu.be/Xer0RPuMFRA

Yiu can bet that one gets stole and re-posted...

 

[Daren Todd]

Yiu can bet that one gets stole and re-posted...

That's what I did Wife found it on Facebook

 

[Diydave]

Doggie ptsd:

http://i.imgur.com/LOdEcyk.gif