Crusher run or a mix of 2 inch size rock down to dust is a pretty stable mix for roads. Sand sounds very messy to me, but it is easy to shape. We have DG here in Colorado (dissentigrated granite) which is already variable size and it is fantastic road material. In TX we had sandy loam and it was really nasty after the rain. Mush and push.
Met with my neighbors who share the private road and discussed options. One neighbor has a buddy who owes him a favor, so it sounds like his buddy will take care of the big puddle areas to patch them up and give us some time to find a long term solution.
I like the sand because we live in the woods and it gives it a nice woodsy look. And as you mentioned, it's easy to move/shape.
They are talking about millings or crushed concrete. The problem with both is it's probably a lot harder to managed the road ourselves with tractors and blades?
The real problem is the road is too low. I think it's 30+ years old now, and over the years has just been getting dug out more and more, plowed down more and more, etc. It sits like 2 feet below it's banks, and is only about 1.5 car widths wide in most areas. I think it used to be 2+ car widths wide. I think the only real "fix" is a massive amount of sand or stone to build that back up and then crown it properly so the runoff can go out and into the woods. Unfortunately that's gonna cost quite a bit.
In the end, I don't want to pave it, I don't want to mill it...gravel would be OK, sand would be best if we could manage it somehow. Not sure how it will work out, as my neighbors seem to be leaning on the cheap and functional over maintaining the look. My neighbor just milled his driveway and it just flat looks out of place in the woods IMHO.