I’ll have to share this True Story:
In the early 1980’s, living in Bryan/College Station,TX…. my co-pilot Mike had a room-mate who, together, they rented a house. We were all in our early ‘30s and single…so a lot of partying was carried-on over there.
This house was occasionally a bit like the Fraternity House in the movie “Animal House”.
Mike’s room-mate was a fellow named Joe Kammlah…. a newspaperman, and the Sports-Writer for “The Bryan Eagle” …the local paper. Joe was a bit of a local celebrity as he covered every Sports Event imaginable including the local school football and baseball games, Plus All the sports events involving Texas A&M University. (the ”Aggies”)
Mike was a bit of a “rounder” …. but Joe had an honest-to-gawd following among MANY lovely young college ladies and ALL the lovely singles over on the campus because of his personal relationships with all the University Players.
Joe was deeply involved in all the sporting events local, statewide and even many national ball games… football, soccer, baseball, volleyball, basketball…. but he was also well known in Golf and Bowling circles. Everyone at one time or other had presented Joe with polished Walnut and Brass Sports-Trophies of EVERY Sport imaginable. Joe had so many trophies…he dedicated one of the bedrooms in the house as his “Trophy Room”…. and all the young ladies who visited always got a personal tour of the ”Trophy Room” …and all the “Oooh’s and Aahhh’s” which emanated from the Trophy Room was only matched by all the “Oooh’s and Aahhh’s” which later emanated from his darkened bedroom.
Each year they hosted a ”Charade-of-Stars”…. an “Annual Academy of Sports Awards” party at the house…. which included a huge cut-out-cardboard limousine out at the curb in front of the sidewalk which led up to the front porch and entry-door of the house. Spotlights were set up and photographs of each party-couple would be taken as they arrived…to step-through the limousine-cut-out-door…and into the Spotlights. An Award would be given to the couple voted “most convincing” at the peak of the evening and a framed photo of that arrival-event would be presented.
Joe KNEW how to throw a party!
One day Mike and I were sitting in the bar on one of our regular flights to Atlanta. These flights were to take our corporate executive bosses over to work at our Atlanta company office-bldg…. and we two had nothing to do but spend the company’s money at every bar and nightclub we could find from the Tuesday arrival until the Friday return flight.
While we were drinking in a club over on Paces Ferry Rd. we happened to meet a salesgirl for “Southern Trophies and Awards” who was out with a girlfriend bar-hopping also. That’s when it HIT ME!
JOE…the big man about small-town Bryan/College Station…. Did Not have a SHOOTING TROPHY!
We decided to find out WHY?…. and upon our return to our hometown…we asked Joe about that.
It turned out that Joe…big-time Sports-Writer….had NEVER FIRED A GUN!
We were SHOCKED! …and informed Joe that in Texas…THAT WAS ILLEGAL! Especially for a Sports-Writer …not to have written at least ONE story about the “shooting sports” ….and I happened to be friends with the daughter of the biggest insurance agent in town who owned one of the largest ranches in the county… SOooo … We set up an outdoor Bar-B-Que and Skeet-Shooting Event for the very next week… and we promised Joe to teach him HOW TO SHOOT SKEET!
The appointed day arrived and we all drove our pickups out to the Benchley Ranch and Joe followed in his Volvo.
We were met by the ranch-owner’s daughter and her friends and the ranch-hands already had the smoker goin’ since before daylight…..
We set up the Clay-Target-Thrower and opened up a case of Clays and another of Shells…. briefed Joe on the Remington 1100 we were presenting to him… and Mike demonstrated by shattering a few “birds” with the 1100…
We then coached Joe on Stance… Swing…. “PULL”…. etc etc…. and the FUN BEGAN!
It was….. surprisingly…. bad.
Joe called ”PULL” …time and again….until all the Clay targets had been launched…. and he never hit a Single One!
We walked out into the grass and managed to retrieve maybe a dozen that had landed without shattering…. and ..We Launched them a SECOND TIME!
Joe missed all 12.
We found ONE which had landed intact…. so we set it up in the branches of a low bush….a stationary clay target …and pointed Joe at it from about 20 feet away…… and…..Yep…..he missed it. The bush quivered…and dropped it onto the ground where it broke.
Oh Well…. We cracked open the beer-chest and ate ourselves silly on brisket and sausages and one of the guys pulled out his guitar and as the sun went down we sat around the campfire by the stock-pond and sang every song we knew until we ran out of beer and stories. It was still a Fine Day!
The following week, Mike and I had our usual trip back over to Atlanta…where we went over to the Southern Trophy and Awards showroom…greeted our new-found lady-friend ….and we arranged for a Shooting Trophy for Joe.
It was ready two days later…just in-time for our return flight to Texas.
At the next house-party…we presented Joe with a beautiful 20-inch tall trophy which he could prominently display in his ”Trophy Room”…for ALL his paramours to “Ooohh and Aahhh” over…
It was a Shotgunner in the Classic-Pose of a Skeet-Shooter…leaning into the shot… holding the gun forward in
Perfect Form…. and with bated-breath Mike and I stood-by to hear Joe’s explanation to his admiring lady-friend the meaning of the INSCRIPTION on the BASE….
”JOE KAMMLAH - APRIL 4, 1980
PERFECT SCORE!”
Postscript: Joe left the paper a couple years later, retiring at a young 40, to become the happily married president of the Chamber of Commerce in a famous Central Texas German community, where his great-great grandfather had immigrated in the late 1800’s.
He is just as well-known there also.
Here’s to YOU, Joe!
