"Hey Man...."

[Flienlow]

A Good Friend of mine: Hey man, we are having a our concrete patio enlarged. The Contractor wants to charge me $1200 to dig out the yard. Do you think you could help?

Me: Sure, no problem. When?

A Good Friend of mine: Saturday.

Me: I'll see you then.

I proceed to bring a $55,000 truck pulling a $5,000 trailer, with a $22,000 tractor loaded in it. Along with that, I have a $450 lazer, pipe glue, rakes shovels, fabric, and $1500 Compactor. We work 12hrs. We export 10 yards of material (which I took but did not want) and imported 1 yard of drain rock. I haul and do most of everything to include grading the yard, and installing a new french drain. All said and done have about 100 miles on the truck and 7 hours on the machine.

As I finishing binding the tractor down in the trailer and getting ensured that it is ready for haul out, I get a hand shake and a "thanks Man. I really appreciate it."

As I left driving down the road, I reflected on a few things in life.

1. I am Generally a helper. helping people brings me self worth and joy.
2. People dont understand the true costs of what I bring to the table (even with the small scale stuff that I have.)
3. There are damn few people that help me in return like I help others. (I am famous for constantly working on my rentals and being the guy to call if you need help, have construction related questions, or seek real estate advice.)
4. I am as of this moment, no longer free.
-That is not to say there are not people out there that at a moments notice I will not stop everything in my life and go help because they have done me a solid in the past and I owe them. But generally speaking, I am done being a charity. I often find when I am down and out working on something, I either need to pay someone to do it for me, or rely upon myself to soldier up and find a way ALONE ( while folks are all posting Selfie's on their day of lesiure.)

There is no scorched earth here, and none of this changes the relationship I have with my friend, but I think its time to start worrying about my own back yard in life and not someone elses. Perhaps I should have known this all along.

 

[MadMax31]

You are a better person than most.

Personally, thats my exact reason why I haven't done sidework in 8 years. The time away from the kids isnt worth the money Id make. However, their are a few people Id leave work early to fix their heat. I do Commercial/Industrial HVAC, and make pretty good coin doing it.

My neighbor down the road has own business. Excavating and septic work. When I ask him for professional help, I always pay more than what he asks. For the exact reason you describe.

 

[007kubotaguy]

Hello

So So True. I to am that guy. It does give you a good feeling. But I agree , they have no idea what you brought to the table. As I get older (57) it is fewer and fewer that I will drop every thing for and go help because it seams to be a one way street. I do have a few that get it and return it ten fold. Got to go now , neighbor needs help with tractor. Wont start.

Lance

 

[85Hokie]

A Good Friend of mine: Hey man, we are having a our concrete patio enlarged. The Contractor wants to charge me $1200 to dig out the yard. Do you think you could help?

Me: Sure, no problem. When?

A Good Friend of mine: Saturday.

Me: I'll see you then.

I proceed to bring a $55,000 truck pulling a $5,000 trailer, with a $22,000 tractor loaded in it. Along with that, I have a $450 lazer, pipe glue, rakes shovels, fabric, and $1500 Compactor. We work 12hrs. We export 10 yards of material (which I took but did not want) and imported 1 yard of drain rock. I haul and do most of everything to include grading the yard, and installing a new french drain. All said and done have about 100 miles on the truck and 7 hours on the machine.

As I finishing binding the tractor down in the trailer and getting ensured that it is ready for haul out, I get a hand shake and a "thanks Man. I really appreciate it."

As I left driving down the road, I reflected on a few things in life.

1. I am Generally a helper. helping people brings me self worth and joy.
2. People dont understand the true costs of what I bring to the table (even with the small scale stuff that I have.)
3. There are damn few people that help me in return like I help others. (I am famous for constantly working on my rentals and being the guy to call if you need help, have construction related questions, or seek real estate advice.)
4. I am as of this moment, no longer free.
-That is not to say there are not people out there that at a moments notice I will not stop everything in my life and go help because they have done me a solid in the past and I owe them. But generally speaking, I am done being a charity. I often find when I am down and out working on something, I either need to pay someone to do it for me, or rely upon myself to soldier up and find a way ALONE ( while folks are all posting Selfie's on their day of lesiure.)

There is no scorched earth here, and none of this changes the relationship I have with my friend, but I think its time to start worrying about my own back yard in life and not someone elses. Perhaps I should have known this all along.

I completely agree with you ........

as a shop teacher - I seem to open up myself in the past (open my mouth too wide) to help others.......

I end up using my supplies to the point where I just screwed myself just a little bit! Now days, the work is still free - but the supplies are not, you bring me the wood, etc....I'll get it done, if you dont - I wont.

there is a word in the english language that I have seemed to not be handling too well.....

A p p r e c i a t i o n - short version : "gratitude; thankful recognition"

AS you do more for free - more needs to be done for free.

If someone pays you for your work, then at least both are now happy.

AS we get older - we typically remind ourselves of the times we got screwed over, and try not to do it again!

 

[Wbk]

Been there, now only help people that really need help and can't afford to hire not someone that can afford a larger patio. I wouldn't consider that a friend if he didn't even offer to pay for the fuel and gas you burned not that you had to take the money but the offer would have been nice.

 

[Creature Meadow]

I am that guy as well, will help most anyone that needs it while I do not help those who I feel think they are entitled.

Back in my dating days I was finishing up with the grass over at the ladies house I was seeing as she pulled up. Thank you that looks nice I do really appreciate you taking care of my lawn.

Many more cases like this, helped a friend build his house. We sometimes worked all night never going to sleep shower and off to our day jobs, was younger then. Ask him some years later to stop and give me a hand closing in a carport, guess what never came by!

The lady in the story above told me once to never do something for someone and expect to get similar in return. if you expect similar you will be disappointed for they rest of your life in those you do favors for.

So for the last 10+ years when I help someone I walk away satisfied I helped them with 0 expectations other than a thank you.

I understand you are coming from I truly do.

I did call a friend and was prepared to pay for his time. I had the materials needed to lay a course of blocks for me. It took him 3 hours and I was prepared to hand him $100 for his time and for driving 10 miles round trip to my house. His response you don't owe me anything, I still owe you, see you later. I thanked him and still see him every few days.

 

[Steve67]

Been there on many occasions, even lunch and a beer after the work is done goes a long way . Good friends who reciprocate are hard to come by

 

[geoff]

I know how those boots fit, been wearing them most of my life, nowadays if I help out I expect nothing back, and it's refreshing to not get caught up in other people's imbalance.
Some folk just need a hop up over a life hurdle, and it is a joy to give that.

 

[Stmar]

I think the common thread here is that we have tractors and people with tractors usually work. If one of my neighbors need help I will if able but there are some neighbors that I will do whatever needs to be done over and beyond. These are the guys that will drop what they are doing and reciprocate without a blink. Had a horse die so went over to my neighbor because he has a backhoe, he was getting ready to go dirt biking on the mountain with his kids. Had the bikes loaded and was ready to get in the truck, I told him no hurry whenever. He gave his keys to his oldest kid and told them to go on and he started up the hoe and buried my horse, he even groomed the grave site to make it nice and pretty instead of hurrying just to get it done. I don't like to loan trailers or tools but I tell this guy to use what he needs because I know it will come back better than it left and that he appreciates it as I appreciate him as a neighbor.

 

[skeets]

Sad thing today people expect you to drop what ever your doing and come to their aid. I stopped loaning things to people, because as you all know things break and well shyt happens just tell me so I can fix it. Case in point, OLs son in law needed a chain saw so she lent it to him, I was out of town, he used it and brought it back, and took the lawn mower back to their place, no big thing right?
He ran out of gas in the saw and filled it with gas from the can for the lawn mower,, I expect it ran like hell for a little bit, before he brought it back. The mower I never did get back because he backed over it with their van. And never once offered to pay for either one.
Now some of the guys I ride with and use to ride with, I wouldnt think twice about helping, because I know should I need something they are there to help, and don't ask, nor expect anything in return. But then they are all old farts like me, I guess some of us were raised differently we were never entitled.

 

[twomany]

When someone asks for help

I show up dressed for the job, with simple hand tools.

And a question about where the donuts and coffee are ;-)

Yup, BTDT

 

[Lil Foot]

I have been there more times than I can count, but with me it's machining that people want done.
An example-
Former neighbor (thank God) wanted a new billet engine mount to up-engine his kid's racing go cart. (I did not want the job, & told him so, because I don't have enough time to do my own projects.) He begged & whined.
It wasn't designed beyond "I want this to go where that used to be." It would required considerable time to engineer everything, (which he wanted me to do) and it would have required an aluminum block 7"x9"x4". It also required the use of about 18-20 different cutters, drill bits, and taps, and one more speciality cutter that I did not have. (approximately $140) It would require at least 6 setups. Finally, eight metric Helicoils. I looked it over, spent about an hour figuring out everything needed to get started, and gave him a list of stuff to buy. (stock, helicoils, & cutter.) I told him I'd do the job for $100.
He blew up-
"You mean you're going to charge me?! You mean I have to buy materials, helicoils, & a cutter with my own money?! What kind of a friend are you?!"
I asked if he had gotten any other quotes for the job. He refused to answer, but his wife told me he had a quote for $1000.
I said "You mean mean I'm supposed to drop my own projects to do yours- use my electricity, put wear on my machines, cutters, taps, & drill bits, buy your helicoils & specialty cutters, supply you with a $200 piece of stock, donate all my hours to engineer & machine your part, all for free?! What kind of a friend are you?!"
He stomped away mad, and never spoke to me again. (thank God)
His wife later apologized for the whole incident.

 

[sdk1968]

A Good Friend of mine: Hey man, we are having a our concrete patio enlarged. The Contractor wants to charge me $1200 to dig out the yard. Do you think you could help?

Me: Sure, no problem. When?

A Good Friend of mine: Saturday.

Me: I'll see you then.

I proceed to bring a $55,000 truck pulling a $5,000 trailer, with a $22,000 tractor loaded in it. Along with that, I have a $450 lazer, pipe glue, rakes shovels, fabric, and $1500 Compactor. We work 12hrs. We export 10 yards of material (which I took but did not want) and imported 1 yard of drain rock. I haul and do most of everything to include grading the yard, and installing a new french drain. All said and done have about 100 miles on the truck and 7 hours on the machine.

As I finishing binding the tractor down in the trailer and getting ensured that it is ready for haul out, I get a hand shake and a "thanks Man. I really appreciate it."

As I left driving down the road, I reflected on a few things in life.

1. I am Generally a helper. helping people brings me self worth and joy.
2. People dont understand the true costs of what I bring to the table (even with the small scale stuff that I have.)
3. There are damn few people that help me in return like I help others. (I am famous for constantly working on my rentals and being the guy to call if you need help, have construction related questions, or seek real estate advice.)
4. I am as of this moment, no longer free.
-That is not to say there are not people out there that at a moments notice I will not stop everything in my life and go help because they have done me a solid in the past and I owe them. But generally speaking, I am done being a charity. I often find when I am down and out working on something, I either need to pay someone to do it for me, or rely upon myself to soldier up and find a way ALONE ( while folks are all posting Selfie's on their day of lesiure.)

There is no scorched earth here, and none of this changes the relationship I have with my friend, but I think its time to start worrying about my own back yard in life and not someone elses. Perhaps I should have known this all along.

this kind of thing happens to me all the time...

my wife has now started telling me.... im too old to do everyone else's work & to learn to say "NO".

oh & i NEVER loan tools. would rather dig the hole for you than let you "borrow"(keep) my shovel. LOL

 

[Yooper]

I have been there more times than I can count, but with me it's machining that people want done.
An example-
Former neighbor (thank God) wanted a new billet engine mount to up-engine his kid's racing go cart. (I did not want the job, & told him so, because I don't have enough time to do my own projects.) He begged & whined.
It wasn't designed beyond "I want this to go where that used to be." It would required considerable time to engineer everything, (which he wanted me to do) and it would have required an aluminum block 7"x9"x4". It also required the use of about 18-20 different cutters, drill bits, and taps, and one more speciality cutter that I did not have. (approximately $140) It would require at least 6 setups. Finally, eight metric Helicoils. I looked it over, spent about an hour figuring out everything needed to get started, and gave him a list of stuff to buy. (stock, helicoils, & cutter.) I told him I'd do the job for $100.
He blew up-
"You mean you're going to charge me?! You mean I have to buy materials, helicoils, & a cutter with my own money?! What kind of a friend are you?!"
I asked if he had gotten any other quotes for the job. He refused to answer, but his wife told me he had a quote for $1000.
I said "You mean mean I'm supposed to drop my own projects to do yours- use my electricity, put wear on my machines, cutters, taps, & drill bits, buy your helicoils & specialty cutters, supply you with a $200 piece of stock, donate all my hours to engineer & machine your part, all for free?! What kind of a friend are you?!"
He stomped away mad, and never spoke to me again. (thank God)
His wife later apologized for the whole incident.

Oh Bill, the stories we could share could go on for hours! I don't think there is a person with a lathe in his garage/shop that doesn't have a story along these lines. What I learned from my machine tools transferred over to my tractor.

 

[jryser]

"Hey Man...."

It's the same thing in my chosen field. I'm a chronic pain and addictions specialist and I got my share of late night pages and "quick favor" calls.

I learned to say no however, from being in the music biz...people always wanted me to do "benefits" and when I went to rehab myself (18 years ago!) all those folks I did benefits for weren't really around. When some of them come to see me NOW I help them understand this isn't free service. As Freud said, payment is part of the cure.

It's amazing how much better some folks get when they realize a quick page results in a charge! [emoji12]

And of course there are the few I will bend over backwards for. But someone who acts entitled? Good luck!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[007kubotaguy]

Lil Foot

Love your story. As they say if you loan a so call friend $20 and you never see him again, you got off cheep.
Lance

 

[Tooljunkie]

Just got a text today, buddy's son wanted to borrow my transmission jack. I happen to be using it and the last time he borrowed something it wasnt returned as promised. Left me in a spot. No tools loaned from here on out.

Neighbour dragged his 15 year old looks like new tiller over because it was leaking fuel. Spent 20 minutes replacing a couple chunks of hose and how much do i owe you? Nothing, you give us veggies....

Old earl shows up today, cheap as the day is long. Will waste hours of my day if i let him. We just took a break from pulling a 4wd transmission.

Earl says the ball joints you replaced are loose. So,you bought them and wanted a deal because you paid cash. Not my problem. Had i supplied parts would be a different story. Guess my shop rate just went up. No more deals,no more favours. Deals and favours dont pay the bills.

Family and good friends. I help those in need,broke down and genuinely in need of a helping hand, i do my best to accomodate.

Do you work weekends? Ya, fixing my own stuff cutting grass and moving 17,000 lbs of used metal siding i got a deal i couldnt resist.

 

[Newlyme]

Here's a favorite of mine.

I had my own business for twenty years, and everyone knew I did side jobs after work to help people out. Years ago a guy I worked with was having electrical issues at home and asked if I would stop by one evening after he got home and take a look. Got him all taken care that night. When I was all done looking to get paid all I got was, "Thanks for coming out." When he saw the surprised look I gave him he offered me an autographed football. Not being a sports fan I politely declined. His son won the Heisman Trophy and Super Bowl MVP. I look back now, I should have taken the football.

 

[twomany]

As to the machine shop aspect. I keep lathes, mills, Surface grinder, T&C grinder etc.

I learned long ago, NEVER Subsidize another man's hobby. I've got enough of my own. ;-)

 

[North Idaho Wolfman]

I've always had the thought that if you help someone out , you will get it in return...Well most of the time it works in my favor but every now and then Boy O' Boy do I get bit!
I have several sets of friends, and yes several of you are on here ,that I would drop everything to help out, that's just the way I am.
But on the other side of things I have other friend that I've learned to "miss their calls" as they just want too much from me, and never "pay back".