Daily Chuckle

[Daren Todd]

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[Daren Todd]

 

[Magicman]

A man was going up to bed, when his wife told him he'd left the light on in the garden shed – she could see it from the bedroom window. But he said that he hadn't been in the shed that day. He looked himself, and there were people in the shed, stealing things.

He rang the police, but they told him that no-one was in his area, so no-one was available to catch the thieves. He said ok, hung up, counted to 30 and rang the police again.

"Hello. I just rang you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed? Well, you don't have to worry about them now, I've just shot them all."

Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit, the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to this man: "I thought you said you'd shot them!"
He replied: "I thought you said there was no-one available!"

 

[D2Cat]

View attachment 131409

Thar's me installing a blower motor resistor!

 

[Daren Todd]

Thar's me installing a blower motor resistor!

Len, I sent this to my son in law who is an auto mechanic. He said was fixing to assume that pose after lunch

I'm too fat for that mess now. I'll pay my son in law to do it

 

[Speed25]

Len, I sent this to my son in law who is an auto mechanic. He said was fixing to assume that pose after lunch

I'm too fat for that mess now. I'll pay my son in law to do it

I've got to get under there on one of my cars soon to adjust the clutch linkage/engagement. I'm thinking I'll make a makeshift platform at the same height as the door sill because I'm young enough to get under there still, but old enough to hurt from the position for a week afterwards.

 

[GreensvilleJay]

just wait till you need bifocals !!!
you'll find out that mirrors ARE your best tools !!!!
yeah, 'blower resistor', '97 F150.......

 

[Siesta Sundance]

View attachment 131400

LOL

 

[Siesta Sundance]

View attachment 131400

No breeze and heat index 105, is just miserable. Starting tomorrow at 11am.

 

[Siesta Sundance]

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]

 

[chim]

I've got to get under there on one of my cars soon to adjust the clutch linkage/engagement. I'm thinking I'll make a makeshift platform at the same height as the door sill because I'm young enough to get under there still, but old enough to hurt from the position for a week afterwards.

Last time I replaced the kitchen faucet and had to get most of my top half in the cabinet, I did just that by stacking some stuff to get around the difference in height of the floor / height of the cabinet bottom. Being too lazy to remove the disposal added a certain degree of difficulty.

 

[Tughill Tom]

 

[Magicman]

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]

 

[D2Cat]

Last time I replaced the kitchen faucet and had to get most of my top half in the cabinet, I did just that by stacking some stuff to get around the difference in height of the floor / height of the cabinet bottom. Being too lazy to remove the disposal added a certain degree of difficulty.

For those jobs I use a winter coats, sleeping bag or something soft and have all the possible tools handy!

 

[D2Cat]

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are OUR rules:
Please note… these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t try to change that.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Saturday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
* Subtle hints do not work!
* Strong hints do not work!
* Obvious hints do not work!
* JUST SAY IT!
1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:
* Sex,
* Sport,
* Cars,
* or Computers
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that, it’s like camping.

 

[Daren Todd]