Daily Chuckle
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ShaunBlake
New member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
B6100D; B219; Piranha bar; Hodge stabilizers; Filled Ag rears; R322T w/48" deck
Father O’Malley answers the phone.
-Hello, is this Father O’Malley?
-It is
-This is the IRS. Can you help us?
-I can
-Do you know a Ted Houlihan?
-I do
-Is he a member of your congregation?
-He is
-Did he donate $10,000 to the church?
-He will-
-Hello, is this Father O’Malley?
-It is
-This is the IRS. Can you help us?
-I can
-Do you know a Ted Houlihan?
-I do
-Is he a member of your congregation?
-He is
-Did he donate $10,000 to the church?
-He will-
My Last Ride
While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, and severely banged my head.
Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shinny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful, women, who asked, "Are you okay?"
As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for...
"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
She said, “get in and I will take you to my house so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”
"That's nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!
"Oh, come now, I am a nurse" she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was really pretty, and very persuasive and being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We arrived at her place which was just few miles away, and after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset, so I'd better go now."
"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse exposing the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything, and by the way, where is she?"
I replied, "Still in the ditch with my Harley, I guess."
While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, and severely banged my head.
Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shinny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful, women, who asked, "Are you okay?"
As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for...
"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
She said, “get in and I will take you to my house so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”
"That's nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!
"Oh, come now, I am a nurse" she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was really pretty, and very persuasive and being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We arrived at her place which was just few miles away, and after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset, so I'd better go now."
"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse exposing the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything, and by the way, where is she?"
I replied, "Still in the ditch with my Harley, I guess."
armylifer
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
BX1860, FEL, RCK54P MMM, BB1548 Box Scraper, Quick Hitch, Piranha Bar, BX6315
Yeah, we'll wreck a Harley to save a deer but blow it's brains out with a rifle the first legal chance we get. 
Trust me my friend, if it comes to dropping the bike and hitting a deer,,Im going down. There are to many bikers that will never ride again or wind up dead from hitting a deer,, even a small dog,cat or any other critter. I had a friend that bought a new Triumph 750 right after the Nam. Was coming off the mountain and a bear ran out in front of him he was one of the best riders I had ever seen. Killed the bear, and he has been in a wheel chair ever since, he was one of the lucky ones. So yeah I ll drop a deer no problem, but I ll drop the bike before I hit a deer
Watermelon Patch
A small-town country farmer has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to his prized watermelons. The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!" He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons. The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO!"
A small-town country farmer has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to his prized watermelons. The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!" He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons. The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO!"
PHPaul
Well-known member
Equipment
B2650, Pronovost snow blower, Landpride rotary mower, Howard tiller, box blade
Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, "Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!"
Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."
Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."
So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse!"
"Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"
Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!
"Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."
So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"
Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"
Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling,
"Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"
To which Ma replies,"Hurts, don't it?!"
Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."
Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."
So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse!"
"Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"
Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!
"Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."
So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"
Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"
Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling,
"Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"
To which Ma replies,"Hurts, don't it?!"
ShaunBlake
New member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
B6100D; B219; Piranha bar; Hodge stabilizers; Filled Ag rears; R322T w/48" deck
bearbait, yo man wuz a peece uv werk! Ain't no wander yew tornet out see much lak skeets! LMAO
Has anyone notice this in their area?
Lately there have been a lot of dead crows laying on the sides of the roads so much so that researchers for the Department of Transportation began sampling the highways and within a 10 mile stretch found over 200 dead crows near my home. They had concern that the crows may have died from Avian Flu.
A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with semi-trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
The DOT then hired the world renowned Ornithological Behaviorist, Dr. Vladimir Putin, to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of lorry kills versus car kills. Dr. Putin quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. and the scientific conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say 'Cah', none could say 'semi-truck'.
I'm relieved that they have put this issue to rest since Avian Flu would have been devastating to our poultry industry.
Lately there have been a lot of dead crows laying on the sides of the roads so much so that researchers for the Department of Transportation began sampling the highways and within a 10 mile stretch found over 200 dead crows near my home. They had concern that the crows may have died from Avian Flu.
A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with semi-trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
The DOT then hired the world renowned Ornithological Behaviorist, Dr. Vladimir Putin, to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of lorry kills versus car kills. Dr. Putin quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. and the scientific conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say 'Cah', none could say 'semi-truck'.
I'm relieved that they have put this issue to rest since Avian Flu would have been devastating to our poultry industry.
