Daily Chuckle

[58Ford]

AH finally!

I have found my people .
Might even have to dig up a meme to explain it!

 

[58Ford]

 

[Magicman]

The reason the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines squabble among themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For example, take a simple phrase like, "Secure the building."

• The Army will put guards around the place.
• The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
• The Air Force will take out a 5-year lease with an option to buy.
• The Marines will kill everybody inside and make it a command post.

 

[GSD-Keegan]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[orange crusher]

While driving home in my golf cart, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with a cleavage to die for.
"I'm okay I think" I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
She said "Get in and I'll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head". "That's nice of you, I answered, "But I don't think my wife will like me doing that". "Oh come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We arrived at her place which was just a few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
"Don't be silly" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"My guess is that she's still in the ditch."

 

[ACDII]

There once was a man from Peru
Who dreampt he was eating a shoe
He woke up one night
with a terrible fright

It was the damned dog eating his $900 loafers

 

[58Ford]

View attachment 73846

 

[58Ford]

 

[i7win7]

Getting tired of the covid dining rules

 

[i7win7]

 

[Magicman]

I got a new stick deodorant today.
The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom.
I can barely walk, but whenever I pass gas the room smells lovely.

 

[i7win7]

My wife has been missing a week now.
The police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.

 

[i7win7]

 

[Bmyers]

 

[Magicman]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Magicman]

The old farmer was feeling a bit run down, so he went to visit his doctor. Of course the doctor said, "You're getting old, slow down and try to eat right. Go see this nutritionist, she gives a talk twice a week."

So the farmer shows up for the talk and finds himself in a room with exercise junkies, hipsters and expectant mothers, so he takes a seat in the back. During the talk the nutritionist asks "what is one food you should avoid at all costs?". A hand goes up in the back. "Yes?" she asks. The old farmer replies "wedding cake."

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]