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Even for us old guys... Not as often, but... occasionally....
Issues still start with the statement...
Hold my beer...
Daily Chuckle
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Even for us old guys... Not as often, but... occasionally....
Issues still start with the statement...
Hold my beer...
Lil Foot
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
1979 B7100DT Gear, Nissan Hanix N150-2 Excavator
Lil Foot
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
1979 B7100DT Gear, Nissan Hanix N150-2 Excavator
Lil Foot
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
1979 B7100DT Gear, Nissan Hanix N150-2 Excavator
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
As my wife pointed out, she could pull this trick as well 
Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk
Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk
SEX AT 73
I just took a
leaflet out of my mailbox,
informing me that I can
'have sex at 73.'
I'm so happy, because I live at
number 71.
So it's not too far to walk home
afterwards.
And
it's the same side of the street.
I don't even have
to cross the road!
~~~~~
Answering machine
message,
"I am not available right now,
but
thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making
some changes in my life.
Please leave a message
after the beep.
If I do not return your
call,
you are one of the
changes."
~~~~~
My wife and I had
words, but I didn't get to use
mine.
~~~~~
Frustration is trying to
find your glasses without your
glasses.
~~~~~
Blessed are those who can
give without remembering
and take without
forgetting.
~~~~~
The
irony of life is that,
by the time you're old
enough to know your way around,
you're not going
anywhere.
~~~~~
God made man before
woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question.
~~~~~
I was
always taught to respect my elders,
but it keeps
getting harder to find one.
~~~~~
Every morning
is the dawn of a new
error.
~~~~~
Aspire to inspire before
you expire.
I just took a
leaflet out of my mailbox,
informing me that I can
'have sex at 73.'
I'm so happy, because I live at
number 71.
So it's not too far to walk home
afterwards.
And
it's the same side of the street.
I don't even have
to cross the road!
~~~~~
Answering machine
message,
"I am not available right now,
but
thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making
some changes in my life.
Please leave a message
after the beep.
If I do not return your
call,
you are one of the
changes."
~~~~~
My wife and I had
words, but I didn't get to use
mine.
~~~~~
Frustration is trying to
find your glasses without your
glasses.
~~~~~
Blessed are those who can
give without remembering
and take without
forgetting.
~~~~~
The
irony of life is that,
by the time you're old
enough to know your way around,
you're not going
anywhere.
~~~~~
God made man before
woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question.
~~~~~
I was
always taught to respect my elders,
but it keeps
getting harder to find one.
~~~~~
Every morning
is the dawn of a new
error.
~~~~~
Aspire to inspire before
you expire.
General Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
Dining Out
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
Entertaining In Your Home
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
Personal Hygiene
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
Dating (outside the family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
3. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, 'Ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.'
Weddings
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
Driving Etiquette
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using pantie hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Do not burn rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
North Idaho Wolfman
Moderator
Staff member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
L3450DT-GST, Woods FEL, B7100 HSD, FEL, 60" SB, 743 Bobcat with V2203, and more
Daren Todd
Well-known member
Lifetime Member
Equipment
Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
A schoolteacher moved to the country and gave the kids a story problem:
She said, “if you have 9 sheep in one field and one jumps the fence to the other field, how many sheep are left?”
Johnny said, “none”
Teacher said, “you obviously don’t understand math”
Johnny said, “maybe not… but I understand sheep”
Though there might be a certain lady who might enjoy this.
She said, “if you have 9 sheep in one field and one jumps the fence to the other field, how many sheep are left?”
Johnny said, “none”
Teacher said, “you obviously don’t understand math”
Johnny said, “maybe not… but I understand sheep”
Though there might be a certain lady who might enjoy this.
That reminds me of a sketch Jeff Foxworthy was doing one time.
He was at a book signing and a BIG girl came up and was flirting with him and flaunting what she had. He thought to himself, I think could ride that, but I'd probably get hurt.
He was at a book signing and a BIG girl came up and was flirting with him and flaunting what she had. He thought to himself, I think could ride that, but I'd probably get hurt.
I took my 70 yr old dad to the mall to get new shoes and we stopped at the food court to get a bite to eat. In the seat next to my dad was a young lady with spiked hair, red, orange, and blue spikes.
My dad stared at the teenager for a long time, and she stared right back, until after a while she said " what's the matter with you Pops, didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?"
Knowing my dad I quickly swallowed my food so as not to choke at his reply,
In his classic style, he responded without missing a beat, " Yes, once I got stoned and had sex with a parrot. I was wondering if you might be my daughter."
My dad stared at the teenager for a long time, and she stared right back, until after a while she said " what's the matter with you Pops, didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?"
Knowing my dad I quickly swallowed my food so as not to choke at his reply,
In his classic style, he responded without missing a beat, " Yes, once I got stoned and had sex with a parrot. I was wondering if you might be my daughter."