All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die
Jesus loves you! It's everybody else that thinks you're a twat.
Jesus is coming! Look Busy.
Is reading in the khazi considered multi-tasking?
Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
Get a new car for your partner - it should be a good trade!
Chastity is curable.............. if detected early enough
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Bills travel through the post at twice the speed of cheques.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Borrow money from pessimists- they don't expect it back.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
There's no future in time travel.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
I have friends who swear they dream in color...I think it's just a pigment of their imagination.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
I couldn't care less about apathy.
I bet you I could stop gambling.
