Daily Chuckle

[Fordtech86]

 

[Magicman]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[#40Fan]

A couple in their 60s were having brunch with a couple old friends when the husband mentioned, "My doctor told me I can masturbate whenever I feel like it."

His wife, exasperated, clarified, "That's not what he said. He said you could have a stroke at any time!"

 

[RCW]

View attachment 112131

True story from many years ago….a little risqué….

My parents and grandparents had decided to liquidate the dairy, sell the cows, equipment, etc. Keep the property they each owned.

My Dad was telling my great-uncle that he was only going to play with 2-teats after the cows were sold. Dad was in his late-30’s at the time. Not an old man……

My great-uncle wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer….to say the least.

My uncle asked “are you getting some goats, Ronnie?!?” .

I was standing there at the time. Even as a youngster, I knew what the Old Man meant…

We both laugh about that still…

 

[Magicman]

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]

 

[Magicman]

 

[Magicman]

 

[DustyRusty]

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The Officer says, " Our patrol helicopter clocked you at 80 mph. sir."
The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly, "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Dammit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut."
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says," Now dear you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
"Oh heavens no, officer. Only when he's been drinking."

 

[woodman55]

View attachment 112155

I don't know, but I want every last drop I paid for in my tank.

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]

 

[woodman55]

 

[Fordtech86]

 

[woodman55]

 

[woodman55]

 

[i7win7]

 

[i7win7]